Day 20

Day 20 : Spoiling my boys

Today was the day that I decided to spend with my boys.
In the morning, my oldest kindly woke me up just in time so I could take my youngest to the big photo shoot. We were able to make it to the photo studio for the 10:00 am appointment.

My youngest was very very sleepy and had a bit of puffy eyes, but once he was dressed in the traditional Japanese kimono and had his hair done, he was pretty excited. The photographer was awesome and we got some cute pictures taken. I was glad that we did this today because the photos would be ready for pick-up on the 18th, which is 3 days before our departure.

Then I met up with my other two boys. I asked them to walk to meet us at the station. We had a quick McDonald's lunch, and then headed to Shinjuku for a movie.

The boys all enjoyed the rangers and the masked rider movies. Lots of explosions and lots of (cheap) CG.

After that, I left my oldest in the theatre because he wanted to catch another show. He got interested in this TV drama and this was a sequel movie. For the last few days, he'd been watching the TV series online and was pretty excited that I was letting him see the movie by himself. Of course the other two boys got jealous, but I managed the situation by spoiling them with some toys from the store.

I took the younger two boys to the passport centre. I had everything ready so it wasn't so bad. Then we took the subway back. When we came out of the station, it was pouring outside. We spent some time at the station. I was a bit worried about my oldest but I decided to just take a cab home with the two boys.

Shortly after we got home, the oldest walked home as well. The rain had stopped, so he didn't get wet. He enjoyed his little adventure.

The best part of the day was when I said I hadn't seen any "real" movies lately, my oldest said "You should go and see some movies." He's growing into a caring and independent teenager. So proud.

It was not a By Design day, but we sure had fun.

Tomorrow I'm planning to go to Chikara CrossFit for group training. Then I'll go see my dad.

Day 19

Day 19 : An angry old man

In the afternoon today, I went out with just the youngest. He needed a photo for his new Japanese passport. I really enjoy this kind of one on one moment with my children. They are super cute and I can be the best mom ever to each of them. I spoiled him with a little Starbucks treat and he absolutely enjoyed it. We got his photo done, did some groceries and went home.

Then I headed to see my dad. It was later than I hoped it to be, but I thought I'd still show up. He was not having a good day at all. He was just full of complaint today. He told me that he had his lunch on a wheel chair today. I took it as a very positive story, but that was not how he saw it. I understand that it was a bit of a jump from eating in bed to eating sitting up and strapped on a wheel chair. He said it was totally against his will and nobody helped him there. He went on complaining that they took his spoon and now he had no spoon to eat with, and that no one hadn't come to help him clear his phlegm. I took care of the last two by simply asking the staff. I watched the whole procedure of him getting his phlegm sucked. It was very painful to watch.
I tried to explain why the nurses would do all those things for him. Why they'd put him on a wheel chair. How nice it'd be to sit at a table and eat dinner with everyone else. But he just got upset and started almost yelling, saying that he never liked to be told what to do, and that he'd rather eat in bed. I've seen him get upset like this for countless times, and usually he gets left alone. I decided not to say much anymore. I thought he needed to be heard, even though everything that came out his mouth today was all negative.
Dinner was served and he started to eat. So I thought I'd leave, but today he told me not to leave because the staff would start being mean to him as soon as I left. So I just sat there, and watched him eat. I helped him brush his teeth, and then I left. During the meal, I said to him that it was pretty impressive that he could eat with his left hand when he was right-handed. That was one positive thing I could say to him today. When I said something about changing his thoughts to a more positive direction, he said he couldn't. I felt a bit sad. Then reminded myself that it was a process.
I realize that he is becoming dependent on me. I feel the danger there. The last thing I want is for me to become his enabler.

On my way home, I came to this idea that human relationship is also adaptation. People who share the same values are By Design for you, and they give you little to no stress and you can benefit from them. When you meet those who do not share the same values, you will have to start adapting. This is where the Doorman Principle comes in handy, because if you let yourself adapt to everyone around you, you will lose your mind. If you hold your core values high, you can actually see others better, keep the distance and build a better relationship with them.

A small win for me today, if anything, was that I did not let his anger put me down.

Tomorrow is going to be a jam packed day. In the morning I'm taking my youngest for a formal photo shoot for the Japanese traditional ceremony. Then I'm meeting up with the other boys and going to see another movie. After that we will go to the passport centre for my youngest's passport renewal. I told my dad that I wouldn't come to see him.

Day 18

Day 18 : Girl power!!

I slept in again today but felt much better. Had breakfast, put things together, made lunch for the kids, and headed out for training at Reebok CrossFit Musashino.

Today's WOD was 4 rounds of 5 Squat Cleans, 24 KB swings, 2 Handstands. We had 8 min time cap + additional rounds with 1:30 time cap each. Coach Miki said he wanted us to feel the fast pace of CrossFit. Anna and I had barbells, and the guys used dumbbells and kettlebells. I hadn't done the clean movement since my shoulder injury, so I was petty excited that I finally got to do it. I finished my first 4 rounds well under the time cap, and I was able to complete one extra round plus 14 KB swings. Then we went outside for the second WOD. It was 100 m sprint EMOM for 10 min. Coach Miki laughed at the fact the girls used heavier weights than the guys today. Girl power!!

Then I headed to Kichijijo, had a quick lunch, then went to see my dad. He looked much better today, but he started with "I was waiting for you. There are a few things I want you to do for me." It was basically just about moving things around so he could reach them.

He talked about the nurse that he didn't like and how she "bullied" him every day. He is like my 5 year old son, in the sense that whenever someone tells him not to do something, he doesn't actually hear what is being told. He only hears "Don't" and he gets upset. I just told him to think about the other nice nurses instead.

He also told me that one of his friends visited him today. He brought some Japanese sweets, and it was so sweet that it made my dad really thirsty. He said he'd like some yogurt instead. I'd rather give him some bone broth jello.

I did our routine exercise and at the end for the first time, my dad said "Let me sit up." Way to go!! It was a huge win. I told him I was very happy, gave him thumbs up and high fives. It was a great moment.

Yes, my dad gets trapped in negative thoughts. He has a tendency to choose the easy way and have others take care of everything. But I still believe that if we communicate in a proper way with positive feedback and support, he would start seeing the world differently.

After the hospital visit, I did some groceries and went home. My mom was having a nap. She got up once but I told her that I'd make dinner, so she went back to bed. I made my go-to meat sauce over cabbage, and my younger two boys were not very happy with it. Hmm...

Tomorrow I will start working on some little jobs here and there that need to be done.

Day 17

Day 17 : Focus on living it

Holy smokes it's Day 17. My stay here in Japan is for 35 days, so it's already at halfway point. Wow.

I've been feeling terribly tired and not really focused. Last night I couldn't really sleep either. Then I realized that it was because I wasn't really living my Life By Design to its full potential.

So I decided to refocus myself and make the next 2 weeks plan more in detail. My challenge for the next week is to have the meals planned and make them myself.

Today I took the boys out for shopping. They got some new DS games and the oldest got a new pair of shoes (he keeps growing...). Then I did some groceries and bought some steak meat and veggies. I quickly dropped off the grocery and headed to see my dad.

He was still suffering from a fever but he looked better today. He already finished dinner.

I told him some funny stories of my boys, and he laughed a little, then he started to cough. He got lots of phlegm and couldn't really clear it out by himself, and he ended up choking. His immune system was suppressed. It was kind of a scary moment.

He mentioned the possibility of moving to a different hospital like his friend had suggested, and said "But I think it's hard to make that happen because I've been under care at this hospital for so long." I said "It's possible. You just need to choose. It'll be hard for YOU, because it's YOU who is going to go through all the change."

I told him to have some happy thoughts. He said, "No, I can't. I keep thinking about my disease." There, Life By Design Step 1. Focus on what's strong, not what's wrong.

Then I asked him why he thought he ended up here. His answer was "It's all because of your mother." Yes, it was THAT direct. Shocking. No wonder why my mom has been so upset and angry. Again, I explained how much my mom had to do while my dad was home. Life By Design Step 2. No one is coming to save you.

Lastly I asked him one more question, "What do you think you need to do so that you can go home and live with the family again?" He said "Exercise." All right then. Once he gets better, he'll be doing more exercise for sure. 

Funny story today. My middle son asked me to get Pantene shampoo. I asked him why and he said, "Because water could damage your hair too!" "Oh, is that what they say on the commercial?" "Yes."

Later on, I told him that instead of trying to protect your hair from water using shampoo, it's better to grow healthy hair that can adapt to the water. He looked a little upset.

I thought this was a perfect example of everything being backwards. 

Tomorrow I'm going to Reebok CrossFit Musashino for a WOD session. 

Day 16

Day 16 : Need new strategies

I could not sleep well last night. Neither did my youngest. He kept waking up early morning, had a nose bleed, complained that he couldn't find his pillow etc. etc. My back started to hurt from sleeping on futon on the floor.

I spent my day just cleaning the house. In the evening my boys and I went to see the dentist, Dr. Saito. The oldest and youngest was in good condition. I knew that the middle one had a big cavity that needed to be treated, so he got that filled. He was supposed to have another one but the doctor said it wasn't serious. I got my teeth checked and lo and behold, I had a cavity too. At the very back on one of my wisdom teeth. I got that filled, but maybe those top ones need to be pulled out one of these days.

From there I went to see my dad. He was sleeping again, but he woke up as soon as I sat on the chair. He told me that he went around the hallway on a wheelchair. He had a bath. And for lunch he had stew that he was able to eat. But he still had a fever.
I moved his ankles and massaged his feet and he fell back to sleep again. He seemed very much drained. Dinner came shortly after but he didn't want to eat anything.
All I could say to him today was "You'll be all right."

I want to get him under chiropractic care. I want him to Eat By Design. I want him to Move By Design. I want him to trust his body. I want him to start living, not running away from death.

How do I do that? I need new strategies.

This morning I asked my sister if she could spare me some time to chat. Unfortunately she needed to work from home and she wouldn't have time till next week. I'm going to write her what I want to talk about so she has time to think about it.

There's a few other things that my boys are hoping to do while we're in Japan. It's time to go over our plans and make sure we hit all the notes.

Day 15

Day 15 : Charging

I was exhausted. All day. I spent most of the day in bed and on the couch sleeping. It's probably from lack of sleep and lack of fat in my diet.

I went to see my dad in the evening. When I got there he was asleep. I sat beside the bed and he woke up. He still had a fever, but he told me that he had curry for lunch and that he enjoyed it. He also told me that he was put on a wheel chair today and he went around the hallway.

I didn't really have much to say today. I just moved his ankles and legs, and gave him massage. That was enough to make him start breathing heavy. Fever sucks.

I just said that his body was fighting something and that was why he had a fever. His body was doing exactly what it was supposed to do. Even that kind of little statement seemed to have some impact on him.

I kept my visit very short today.

On my way home, I had this weird thought that maybe I had brought some germs that caused him a fever. How could I boost up his immune system? I think I can make every bite he takes meaningful with Eat By Design.

I haven't talked with my sister yet. Tomorrow I'll make an appointment with her. Also I'm taking my boys to our dentist tomorrow.

Day 14

Day 14 : Showing gratitude is the way to go

Last night I Facetimed my husband and chatted with him for a long time. I ended up going to bed very late so I totally slept in this morning.

I fed my kids late breakfast and then asked my mom to look after them. I headed out to Chikara CrossFit for group training.

Today was a MetCon day. We did warm-up and started the WOD.

It was 20 min. AMRAP in team of 2

  400 m run

  3 wall walks

  AMRAP wall balls

So one person runs 400 m while the other does 3 wall walks and wall balls until the running athletes comes back, then take turns. I was teamed up with Olcay, a woman from New York. It was my first time doing wall balls since my shoulder injury, so we picked 8 LB ball.

It was a pretty brutal WOD. When the 20 min was up, I collapsed. I thought I was going to puke. Coach Shingo was like "Wasn't it awesome? You should come to this kinda day more often!!" Sorry but I'm more into strength training. Oh well.

I stayed after the training for a while just bonding with other athletes. It was also cool to see that everyone mopped the floor where they sweated and wiped the equipment they used. Must be a Japanese thing.

They are doing a 6 week in-gym tournament. I was invited to join this weeks WOD. I talked about our winter classic. What an awesome event that was!!

Coach Otoya asked me if I would come tomorrow again. Also he asked me if I could come in the evening because that's when he coaches. Very tempting. But right now my legs are very very tight and sore. And I'd rather be home for dinner with my kids. Hmm...

Today was the day when I really felt the importance of surrounding yourself with like-minded people.

I got a gift for my awesome husband today. I'm sure he'll appreciate this.

I left the gym and headed back to my home station. I was wiped out. I spent some time at a coffee shop, collecting myself. Then I decided to stop by a book store. I thought I should get a guide book for Hakone for my dad. There I found this gem.

A Japanese translation for Wheat Belly. WOW. I haven't read the original book yet, and I know it's not everything you need to know, but I figured this might be a good start for my family here.

Then I hurried to the hospital to see my dad. He had a fever today and didn't have much appetite.

He told me that one of his friends from high school visited him this morning. Mr. A suggested him that my dad should get his back looked at at a different hospital where there is orthopaedic and dialysis treatment as well. Personally to me, what my dad needs is NOT another medical treatment but a decision that he would work toward health. So here's what I said. "I understand you are in pain and you want to get rid of it. But going to a different hospital will not solve the problem. No drugs, no surgery will magically remove the pain. You have to decide to get better and give what the body needs. People can help you but you have to do the work." I promised him that I'd talk about it with my mom and other family members.

He told me that he had a needle today. I asked him if it was for the fever, and he didn't know. Again, I told him that he need to be more interested in what goes into his body and why he's getting it.

I gave him the guide book that I bought. I'm not sure if he'll ever read it, but it really doesn't matter.

Today's big question from me was this.

"Why do you think that I come to see you so often?"

He said it was because I wanted him to get better.

I said "Yes, that's true. But it's not just that. The biggest reason is that I want to thank you. I wouldn't be who I am now without you. And also I believe that you can get better. I want you to think the same way. I want you to believe that you can get better."

I also added that I'd rather have him at home than at the hospital. It'd be so much better if he was home when I came home. 

I worked on his ankles and legs, but I decided not to add resistance today. He had a fever and it was draining him a lot.

His dinner came so I left.

I think this is how I'm going to approach him for a while. Without him, I wouldn't have existed. And I am thankful that he brought me to this world.