Day 19

Day 19 : An angry old man

In the afternoon today, I went out with just the youngest. He needed a photo for his new Japanese passport. I really enjoy this kind of one on one moment with my children. They are super cute and I can be the best mom ever to each of them. I spoiled him with a little Starbucks treat and he absolutely enjoyed it. We got his photo done, did some groceries and went home.

Then I headed to see my dad. It was later than I hoped it to be, but I thought I'd still show up. He was not having a good day at all. He was just full of complaint today. He told me that he had his lunch on a wheel chair today. I took it as a very positive story, but that was not how he saw it. I understand that it was a bit of a jump from eating in bed to eating sitting up and strapped on a wheel chair. He said it was totally against his will and nobody helped him there. He went on complaining that they took his spoon and now he had no spoon to eat with, and that no one hadn't come to help him clear his phlegm. I took care of the last two by simply asking the staff. I watched the whole procedure of him getting his phlegm sucked. It was very painful to watch.
I tried to explain why the nurses would do all those things for him. Why they'd put him on a wheel chair. How nice it'd be to sit at a table and eat dinner with everyone else. But he just got upset and started almost yelling, saying that he never liked to be told what to do, and that he'd rather eat in bed. I've seen him get upset like this for countless times, and usually he gets left alone. I decided not to say much anymore. I thought he needed to be heard, even though everything that came out his mouth today was all negative.
Dinner was served and he started to eat. So I thought I'd leave, but today he told me not to leave because the staff would start being mean to him as soon as I left. So I just sat there, and watched him eat. I helped him brush his teeth, and then I left. During the meal, I said to him that it was pretty impressive that he could eat with his left hand when he was right-handed. That was one positive thing I could say to him today. When I said something about changing his thoughts to a more positive direction, he said he couldn't. I felt a bit sad. Then reminded myself that it was a process.
I realize that he is becoming dependent on me. I feel the danger there. The last thing I want is for me to become his enabler.

On my way home, I came to this idea that human relationship is also adaptation. People who share the same values are By Design for you, and they give you little to no stress and you can benefit from them. When you meet those who do not share the same values, you will have to start adapting. This is where the Doorman Principle comes in handy, because if you let yourself adapt to everyone around you, you will lose your mind. If you hold your core values high, you can actually see others better, keep the distance and build a better relationship with them.

A small win for me today, if anything, was that I did not let his anger put me down.

Tomorrow is going to be a jam packed day. In the morning I'm taking my youngest for a formal photo shoot for the Japanese traditional ceremony. Then I'm meeting up with the other boys and going to see another movie. After that we will go to the passport centre for my youngest's passport renewal. I told my dad that I wouldn't come to see him.